Hiding Behind the Computer Screen

CAUTION! This post is a serious one... super serial you guys. Run for the hills if that’s not what you’re after!

This week, something happened online that caught me off guard. It was something my husband warned me about, time and time again, but I didn’t expect it to happen for some reason. I was the victim of internet bullying and harassment. According to the The Canadian Bar Association, 

“Cyberbullying is a type of harassment using new technology. Whether it is criminal harassment depends on the facts of a case. Cyberbullies use social media (such as Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube), blogs, texting, instant messaging, and other internet avenues to engage in deliberate, repeated, and hostile behaviour intended to harm, embarrass, or slander someone. Although their work is public, cyberbullies are anonymous and it is often harder to identify and stop them” (2011, CBA, BC Branch).

Basically, it is against federal law in Canada to cyberbully someone. I had been bullied as a kid, I had worked to stop bullying as a youth worker, I specialized in Social Justice topics such as Bullying in my teacher training and I have written and facilitated workshops on bullying to students in partnership with the RCMP; but I never thought I would be the victim of it by a group of online moms. They were verbally assaulting a friend of mine when I stepped in and questioned their behaviour. Like a gang of angry teenagers, that’s when they turned their attention to me. I did as I had instructed many children and youth to do, I told them their behaviour was unacceptable and I turned around and left the group. But then I got thinking.

There is a sense of disconnect that happens when someone is behind a computer screen. We forget that there is a person, on the other end of our comments, that is behind their computer screen. We forget that we are talking to another mom; a mom who is also exhausted, emotional and just trying her best. We say things that we would never say in public, face to face with another person. Behind the computer screen, we are invincible, untouchable, and removed from human connection. 

I’ve talked with colleagues and psychologists and we see a trend emerging with our youth. As social media expands, face to face interactions of our children is decreasing. There also seems to be an uncanny rise in child and youth mental health issues, particularly anxiety and social anxiety and depression. Our children are developing a lowered tolerance for face to face interactions the more time they spend online. They are no longer fighting on the playground at recess, they are fighting over the computer and the results have been deadly. Take the Amanda Todd Suicide for example, this young woman felt so trapped by such extreme cyberbullying, that for her, there was only one option: suicide. When tragedies like this happen, we all sit and shake our heads. We cry, we mourn and we pray that it will never happen to our children. Then some of us do something remarkable. We turn on our computers, and we engage in this same behaviour toward another adult. What are our children to learn from that?